Over and over, the local news is reporting the death or injury of teenagers. We are stunned by the loss of life; the grieving families, friends and classmates are asking why. Why did this happen again?
Too many of our young people are dying, and frequently the cause is their choice of companions. This article focuses on automobile accidents, but some of the shootings and stabbings follow the same theme.
Recently two single-car accidents happened within a week, and the stories are very similar.
| Cameron, WI 10/10/22 | Pine City, MN 10/15/22 |
| 2 deceased female passengers, age 14 and 15 1 female passenger with injuries, age 15 Driver: 16-year-old male with minor injuries | Man and woman deceased, ages 20 and 18 Injured man to Hospital, age 18 and Driver: 19-year-old female with minor injuries |
In both cases, the driver was operating the vehicle while under the influence of a drug/controlled substance (Cameron) or alcohol (Pine City). Both accidents were a single vehicle leaving the road. In both cases, the accident took the life of two young people, and another passenger had injuries. In the Pine City accident, the injured man had a broken back, collapsed lung and ruptured liver. And in both cases, the drivers walked away with minor injuries. Why?
I can speak from personal experience of the disbelief, denial, anger and helplessness of having a classmate die after a drunk driver slammed into the car she was riding in. I saw her on a Friday in the school library, and found out Sunday morning that I wouldn’t ever get to laugh at her goofy jokes and faces. It was a learning experience in my teens that I took into my years of parenting teenagers.
For parents with teenagers, you want your child to have friends in high school. You also want them to come home alive. When my older son first got his license, he was allowed to have one friend in the car with him, and his father and I told him which friend it could be. After a few months of experience behind the wheel, we lifted those restrictions because he had learned the importance of being focused while driving.
As parents, we also made an agreement with him. If he ever drank too much and needed a ride home, he could call us and we would pick him up – no lecture – no reprimands. He only had to do that once, and I was so grateful that he made that call.
There isn’t an easy way to monitor all of your children’s friends. There is a way to forge an agreement between child and parent (or another relative). Explain to your child that the ‘why’ in these accidents is because the injured/deceased person made a decision to get in a car with a questionable driver. Make it clear that it doesn’t matter how short the drive home is, or that the driver is an adult, or any other excuses. If the driver is drinking or is not acting responsibly, your teenager needs a ride home from someone else. This doesn’t give your child a free pass to go out partying. It gives your child a chance to exercise adult mental muscle and make good decisions. And the first decision is to choose friends wisely.
Parenting teenagers isn’t always easy… but it beats the alternative. Let’s be safe out there.